It’s not thoughts, it’s experience. No amount of journaling or thinking or praying is going to teach me anything. God brings revelation. God brings it, not me. I’m never going to come up with anything good on my own. Maybe I should stop all journaling about the unknown, and only journal about what the past. About what I have learned instead of what I’m trying to learn. Not the questions, but the answers. Don’t focus on what you don’t know, but on what you do. TRUTH!!!
Who to put words together into meaningful prose? I do not know. I try to write and only come up with other peoples words.
The sun was shining in the western sky as a gentle breeze swept over her skin. She lay on her back in the middle of the trampoline warmed by the blackness of the canvas and the intensity of the sun through very little ozone. It was an unusual day for it was supposed to be winter, but the weather in New Zealand is unpredictable and capricious. Only that morning a light covering of frost had glittered on the ground and on the cars in the parking lot. It was a quite day, a day for contemplation and errant thoughts. For two months now, she had been living here, experiencing every range of emotion between the bitter harshness of utter lonelyness to the peaceful contentment of well placed community. She still missed the compainonship of that rare highly sought after bousome friend, but it’s loss no longer stood out in sharp contrast with her reality and so was easier to bear. What would the next two months bring? And the two after that? Only five more months, and the year twenty-ten would be gone and the decade of the ought’s well on it’s way into history. The days would go quickly, and with much to look forward to, who could blame them? And yet, with so much unknown, it was hard to keep the anxity at bay. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transends all understanding, will gaurd your heart and mind in Chrsit Jesus.” These were the words that rang over and over agian in her head.
Why is it so hard to change perspective? I get stuck in an idea or the idea gets stuck on me, and my eyes refuse to see the world as it ought to be. Then for a brief second, I step out of my shoes and I realize how oblivious I’ve been to the truth. I’ve been selfish.
It is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeing, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It is love.
God is real. He speaks to me.
With knowledge comes responsibility.
I can’t believe how appropriate it has been for the last three years. Every time I take a step, I start thinking about the next one. Someday, I’d like the next step to last more than a year or two.
Is this really you God? This is the answer I want. You never give me answers like this. This is not the way you usually answer this prayer. There’s so much I don’t know about a great many things. I’m sure this must just be me. What do I know? I generally want things that are bad for me. Lord, don’t give me what I ask for, just give me the things you know are good for me.
Hello, all. Anyone?
